If You’ve Been

A Stone’s Throw
By Paul Steven Stone

If You’ve Been
Wrongfully Murdered . . .
(From the Law Offices Of Paul Steven Stone)

If you or anyone you know has been wrongfully murdered, born with an unfair handicap, suffered from unpleasant social stigmas or been victimized by an act of God, get in touch immediately with The Law Offices Of Paul Steven Stone.

You may be in line for a huge financial settlement.

The Law Offices Of Paul Steven Stone in its commitment to furthering your rights to sue anyone, anytime, anywhere, is exploring legal territory unknown to all other personal injury law firms. Other lawyers may sue negligent manufacturers, unlucky airlines, oil-rich terrorist states and recalcitrant insurance companies, but here at The Law Offices of Paul Steven Stone we’re putting the blame–and the claim–where it belongs.

Yes, no longer is God merely sitting on high. At The Law Offices Of Paul Steven Stone, He’s also on notice, on trial, and He better be on His guard.

If you were born with a cleft palate, held back in life by a crippling childhood disease, find yourself unable to leave your apartment because of acute anxiety--even if you merely suffer from lactose intolerance–you have a right to complain, to share your pain, and, yes, to gain a few bucks to make up for life’s cruel inequities. After all, why should you suffer for our Maker’s shoddy craftsmanship and ineffective quality control?

With offices located within easy adjudication of the Vatican, Mecca, Jerusalem and the headquarters of most major religions, Christian splinter groups and mind-controlling cults, The Law Offices Of Paul Steven Stone can file your claim within minutes of your first no-charge, no-obligation legal consultation.

Not comfortable going after God? Afraid of further possible consequences? Perhaps your personal injury is more earthbound in its causes, or you have someone special in mind you’d rather sue? Well, The Law Offices Of Paul Steven Stone is still your one-stop, all-purpose legal attack dog.

Remember what we say in our cheap but effective TV advertisements: "If you can lay the blame, we can file the claim."

So, yes, if you burn your tongue in a fast food restaurant, get nauseous from your next-door neighbor’s ethnic cooking odors, suffer nerve and ear-drum damage from nearby nuclear plant alerts, or your third grade teacher always seems to ignore your raised hand, you have a friend–and a friendly litigater–at The Law Offices Of Paul Steven Stone.

This week we’re offering a special litigation package to the first fifteen readers of this advertisement who claim it has given them either severe eye strain or an unrelievable headache.

Yes, at The Law Offices Of Paul Steven Stone we’ll even sue ourselves!